Enough of "Should!"

Past tense of shall and often used to express the conditional in a sentence, the verb, should should be outlawed, or at least its usage curbed significantly.

My friend, I'll call her C. to protect her anonymity, and outrage from angry linguists, used to tell me "Wendy, your life is full of shoulds." C. had good reasons for her comment. Like a character from The Iceman Cometh by Eugene O'Neill, she had been advising me to stop equivocating and to be decisive, get to the point. I didn't realize until lately how correct her softened admonishment had been.

For as long as I can remember, I had difficulty trusting my own decisions. In part, that behavior had been reinforced by my parents, particularly my well-meaning father whose life's mission had been to offer advice. I would often wiggle in my seat, but the habit of knowing he would have sage suggestions led to my asking more advice than he gave. It got to the point when I questioned every motive. Moreover, I kept using the verb, should. "Should I ask him out?" "Should I change my major?"

As I grew older, I began turning to my friends for help with important decisions. Self-doubt overtook me, however, and my confidence waned. My more than patient friends started to throw up their hands. I had burdened them with "should" questions too often, leading to feelings of guilt for asking them for advice and even more guilt for doubting their comments. Then, I met my friend, C. in graduate school, and her words stuck, for the short term at least. When we graduated and went off to different parts of the country, losing touch for months at a time, I resumed overusing, "should." Like a dormant ulcer that resumes stabbing you in the gut, that nuisance verb, should, regained the upper hand.

Forced, after life-changing events, to think independently on a regular basis, and with some therapy, I finally began to take control of my life, stop questioning every motive and giving my remaining friends some peace. Today, I've begun to see that asking friends about what I should do on a regular basis is fruitless and self-defeating. How else could they respond other than to say: "I can't tell you what to do or you should do, but I can say. . ." I've learned a life lesson.

Moreover, in the greater scheme, the macro versus micro approach to examining should, there's a truism to this lesson: it's too late in this world of ours, with climate change, food shortages, territorial disputes, and social or economic inequity to use should. No more conditions. We have to stand united, firm when addressing global problems because we've exhausted possibilities

As for me, I've decided to love the man in my life without worrying so much about how I should behave or what others believe I should do. The future has never been more tenuous. In either case, I have little patience for the dreaded, conditional verb should.