A NEW WORD FOR THE AGES: COYFRIEND

I'm over the age of fifty and proud of it. I have the longevity gene and take care of myself, even with medical challenges. And, I'm lucky to have a handsome, kind, loving and funny man who is ten years old than I in my life, so why must I continue to call him: "boyfriend?"

My mother, from the French school, often suggested: "Why don't you use, beau?" In high school, I had enough reasons not to be a regular bullseye. No, when a teenager or into my early twenties, using "boyfriend" made sense.

However, later in life, especially middle age, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is our only alternative if not living with your partner or spouse. I'm not a "girl" anymore and the diminutive suggestion of being a man's girlfriend makes the feminist in me cringe.

"Lover" sounds like your meeting your someone for a romantic tryst or falls under the category of "friends with benefits," an overused, controversial phrase.

No, I've found a substitute. After a long, hard think, and writing a novel featuring the newly discovered crossbreed, the coywolf, I've hit on an idea: "coyfriend!"

Purists and teachers out there who object, please read my reasoning behind this creation (others who are less prone to critiquing, please bear with me). The semantics of the adjective "coy" has evolved, yet in its earlier meaning and usage there is also a modern context. Let's look at Merriam Webster's Dictionary's definition of "coy":

Modern citation -

: having a shy or sweetly innocent quality that is often intended to be attractive or to get attention

: not telling or revealing all the information that could be revealed

Webster's dictionary also includes the older meanings of "coy":

1

a :  shrinking from contact or familiarity <'tis but a kiss I beg, Why art thou coy? — William Shakespeare>

b :  marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness <using coy tricks to attract attention>

2

:  showing reluctance to make a definite commitment <a coy response>

I've highlighted the meanings that, to me, best describe a relationship with a man or woman. When you're involved, being "coy," as in "not telling or revealing all information. . ." makes excellent sense. Each person often protects themselves, shies away from sharing too much during the first year. 

The second, older used meaning of "coy," (highlighted above), also fits the boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. When in the beginning stages of a relationship isn't there a natural hesitancy to commit to the next level of intimacy? Moreover, "coy" is gender neutral, playful, slightly deceptive, and covers that gray area between dating and co-habitating or marriage.

I haven't decided whether "coyfriend" or better "coy-friend," is worth submitting to Merriam-Webster's, the OED or other established wordsmiths. I do claim first dibs, however.

Finally, I'll jump off the diving board and ask my readers to weigh in (seriously or jokingly) on my contribution to the English lexicon: I do have a linguistics background, but linguists are encouraged to submit their thoughts.

Copyright 2014 Wendy Shreve