"DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!"

We all have our share of words, phrases or exclamations that we’ve heard too many times, that put that bur under our saddle. For me it’s the above advice, usually given by well-meaning people who want to reduce my anxiety. However, they rarely put the irritant into context through asking for details; more importantly, these people are often unaware of the vagueness of the expression.

First, “Don’t Sweat,” could be interpreted literally, as in don’t perspire. Instead the intended meaning is: do not get upset. I’ll explore “sweat” farther in this blog. The second part or in grammatical terms, the object of the exclamation, “the small stuff,” makes even less sense. Small implies a quantifier whereas stuff is an uncountable noun. How can “stuff” be “small?” Again, arguably a matter of semantics. What is “stuff” or in its intended definition, insignificant details to one person could be significant particulars to another.

Case in point, money matters: I’ll admit that at this time, like so many in America, my budget is limited. Without divulging too many personal issues while providing a context, I'll say that paying $95.00 a year to take my trash to the dump, up from $85.00 last year, strains my finances this month, thereby curtailing my holiday weekend. I mentioned this to a counselor who quoted the above: “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Have you ever noticed that people who dismiss, albeit constructively, your concern with that expression often are secure themselves? They have a home, a well-paying job, etc.

Now, those of you who are accountants, financial advisors, or even cost-minded individuals, I can hear you say: “She should have allotted the yearly expense in her budget.” Well, you would need to know more details in order to understand my concern. And that’s the rub. Do you want to hear the explanation? I’d bet no. Telling someone to ignore a problem without getting the back story isn’t helpful. Now, if the counselor had offered: “That is the price you pay for the opportunity to live on Cape Cod,” I would have agreed and moved on.

However, I still have more to say about, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” so  I’ll focus on the person who offered the advice.  Humor me as I ask you to guess the sex of the counselor. . .and the answer is a woman. Should a person’s sex matter when making a statement about ignoring “small” problems? Of course not, but society has conditioned many to believe women are more detailed-oriented whereas men not as much. True, I’ve had many experiences where men have told me I’m worrying about “nothing” or, better, offer quick fix solutions. So, I did an informal poll of some friends, and they, men and women, said, “Yes,” they’ve used the expression. Thus, among my circle, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is unisex.

I have also kept my ears open to public use, call it a casual empirical study (Deborah Tannen, author of The Power of Talk, and noted Linguistics professor, if reading this, please remember this is a blog.) about the declaration but the results were inconclusive. Still, I’ll state the counselor’s sex didn’t make a difference in this case. And since “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is used regularly, we can surmise, therefore, that the comment has become habitual, arguably, by this time clichéd. Another reason for me to object to its usage.

And then there is: “Don’t sweat.”  The negative contraction and auxiliary, “Don’t” is self-explanatory, but the main verb “sweat” I can’t avoid. Semantically, “sweat” is the meat of the construct. Without “sweat,” we’d be left with, “Don’t small stuff,” more useful as a negative connotation (with a comma included) than about someone who is short, in particular, vertically challenged.

Returning to “sweat,” the problem is, readers, I literally do not perspire—maybe a few beads now and then when hit with a hot flash or high humidity—a rare phenomenon, however. Of course, the speaker’s intended meaning when using “sweat” is: not to get too anxious or obsessive. Well, show me a  person, man or woman, who doesn’t have some anxiety about seemingly unimportant issues, internally or externally (including yoga and mediation enthusiasts) then I will be less critical.

Last, why am I spending precious blogging time on what I’ve concluded to be an overused, inappropriate, and semantic-challenged piece of advice? Well, that’s the irony. At this point, you may be asking yourself the same question per reading this commentary. In fact, I’ll be so bold to state you’re thinking: “Don’t sweat the small stuff!”